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Sunday, June 29, 2014

I had decided not to blog anymore...

I quit blogging. Life got busy and painful and tiring and I just didn't feel like sharing anymore. I was tired of laying it all out there, somewhat selfishly, but I wanted people to think that everything was great. For the most part it has been, but I am tired. I know that is what most people that read my blog like the most...that I am real. Sometimes though, it just becomes too real, even for me.

I don't really remember the last time I wrote, which means I don't remember where we lived then, but now we live in South Jersey, for now. Moving has become almost as normal as running to Walmart in this family. (which if you read some of my other posts you know how I feel about that place!) My husband calls it an adventure...I'm beginning to think I misread the brochure!

I have found that with all of the moving, I have a very select few friends that I entrust my time and life with. I am more hesitant with each move to connect and become close with those around me. The defense mechanism is in high gear. Better to be lonely then to make more friends that I will inevitably  have to leave behind again. I've made a mistake here...I have let down my guard and become good friends with a couple of people..I see pain in the future.

I turned 40 last year. It always weighs in the back of my mind that my father started losing his mental capacity around this age and had passed by the age of 54. Too young. I try not to live in fear, but it is often difficult to keep those thoughts from pressing to the front of my mind...when I feel like I am losing it, what if I am?

So many mixed thoughts and emotions going on in my head at this point...too much to try to catch you up on in one post...but I am back. I will write more. Read if you want, if not, that's ok too...

Words of wisdom...maybe? There is a nugget of deep truth in there if you think about it :)



Thanks for stopping by,

crazymom.crazywife.crazylife

wendy jo

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Never Gone...

Have you ever had one of those moments in your life where you stand amazed? Think about it...a jaw dropping moment where you are like, “Holy cow! Did that just happen?” Now maybe it was a good holy cow moment or maybe a bad one or maybe you have had some of both...I know that I have!

Today was one of those moments...actually it was more than today. It has been kind of a constant for the last few weeks...but today was the icing on the cake! (and I love the icing...especially butter-cream!)

A few weeks back we had some things happen in our life that sort of blind-sided us. It was hurtful, cruel, below the belt and one of those moments where you are like...what just happened? When people make assumptions, things can go wrong pretty quickly . You think you have done all the right things, but when lies are told, people either assume the lie is true, or they talk to you about it. Let’s just say there was a lot of assumption that happened. We can’t do anything to change that, nor the hurtful lies that were told about us and hurtful things said too us...but what we could do was move forward. Quite honestly, after having just conquered what seemed like an unclimable mountain, the thought of conquering another one was not appealing. Seriously. After the past 3 years I was ready to go rock in a corner and cry...for days.

It would have been really easy to sit home and sulk about the things that were said...to give up on church, church people, pastors, friends...everything...I certainly understood at that point why so many people have given up on church...it’s full of people, and people are imperfect!

This brings me to my story. We were beginning a church hunt for our family.  A place where we could really feel at home and fit in...a place that we could serve...that was “us".  I spent some time talking with a friend who is also a Pastor’s wife and one of my greatest mentors in life and she gave me some great advice. (Thank you Debbie!) It’s kind of common sense advice, but sometimes when you are in the middle of the storm, you don’t have much common sense left! What she said was this. Pray. Pray for God to lead you to the right church. Pray that the Holy Spirit would speak to you through someone there or directly through the sermon. You will know if you are where you are supposed to be, because no one there knows you, your story, your history...nothing.  It made sense!

Over the next few days, my husband prayerfully considered where we should go. He picked a place and you could say it was a match made in heaven! Now I could give you details about how every sermon, every contact, every THING has been confirmation that we are where we are supposed to be, but I want to tell you about today. Oh my goodness TODAY!

The sermon was about Joseph. His dad's favorite of all of his brothers. He was doing everything right. You heard me...right. He wasn’t making bad choices, living a risky lifestyle, not serving God..He was  enjoying life, living life. His brother’s sold him into slavery...but the Bible says that God was with him! He was thrown into the dungeon after trying to do the RIGHT thing by running away from Potipher’s wife...but God was with him. All through his life you see that God was with him. All of these bad things kept happening to him, even when he was doing the right thing. It probably didn’t feel like God was with him...he probably felt pretty abandoned and alone! But look at the plan that God had for his life!! He would eventually rise to be the most powerful man in Egypt next to the Pharoah and because God was with him, he was able to save the Israelites from certain death! What an amazing sermon that spoke so directly to us I just had to share it. (the story comes from Genesis 37 and 39 and following if you want to read it.)

Even when we feel wronged and hurt and abandoned, God is still with us! It may not feel like it, but God is molding us and preparing us for what he has ahead for us.  WOW! Maybe it shouldn’t be so surprising to someone who has been in church her whole life, in ministry for 18 years...but sometimes, God speaks something to us in a different way so that we will truly understand it!

I am so thanful that, even though we have no idea what lies ahead for us, God knows and He is with us!

I am linking to an incredible song that our worship team sang today at the end of the sermon. So powerful and so TRUE! Remember when you are going through the trials of life (and it could be years like Joseph’s) that God is molding you and preparing you for even greater things!

Thanks for stopping by!

Crazy Mom. Crazy Wife. Crazy Life.

Wendy Jo


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

summertime and such

If you are like our family, you are into the full thrust of summer fun! Sports, swimming, camping, fishing...sleeping in occasionally... oh, how I love summer! It has seemed to fly by this year, more-so than in years past. I know, it’s always the same amount of days give or take a couple with school, but there are some times in life that seem to fly by much quicker than others! We will leave for a two week vacation pretty soon and I am so looking forward to it. The last family vacation we had was two years ago under difficult circumstances and a time of transition in our life and, quite frankly, did not feel like a vacation! I am so looking forward to spending time with my family and some dear friends and soaking in the sun on the beach.

Growing up, we vacationed EVERY summer. It was a very scheduled part of our life. Our life was very scheduled...I think maybe my dad had OCD...but that is for another day!

My dad was able to take 3-4 weeks off and we spent it camping in the mountains of Colorado. I cherish the memories I have from those times. I know I was not always the most cooperative kid on those trips, but looking back I wouldn’t trade them for the world. No bathrooms, no showers, no makeup...but we did have a campfire every morning and every night, card games as a family, story-telling, hiking...I hope my kids can feel the same about our family trips, even if they aren’t as frequent as the ones I took growing up.

I will have a freshman in high school this year. That is hard to stomach. It is a mixture of sadness and excitement that I have for him. I, quite honestly, was not a big fan of high school. I got good grades and had some good friends, but beyond that, I could have done away with the clicks, the cattiness, and the bullying. I can only hope that his experience will be better than mine. One good thing came from my time in high school, my husband! Can’t say that it wasn’t worth it I guess!

My point in all of this is, time goes so quickly. I know everyone always says that, but I think each of us reaches that reality check moment in our lives where we truly step back and say...life is really going by too fast. What have I missed? Where have I wasted time that I could have spent hanging out with my kids, my husband, my family? Does all of the little stuff really matter?

James 4:14 Says:

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

I remember my husband preaching a sermon a couple of years ago about this. He tied a string from one side of the auditorium to the other that represented eternity. The line stretched out several hundred feet.  He then marked on it a tiny little spot to represent our entire life, our impact in all of eternity. It was such a great visual of how very small our time is in respect to all of time. What are we doing with it? Are we doing the things that will have the most impact on our kids, family, community, world?

Think about that today as you toss a load of laundry in and then go out and play with your kids, or have some coffee with your spouse. Enjoy. Soak it in. Don’t be so busy that you wake up one day...and you’ve missed it!!

Thanks for stopping by!

Crazymom.Crazywife.Crazylife

Wendy Jo




Friday, June 8, 2012

reality check

I write today with mixed emotions. This is not easy for me to write, because I don’t like to talk about the bad, the ugly stuff. I probably shouldn’t, or at the least I should tread lightly. I am known for saying what I am thinking...quite plainly! It’s been a difficult few days for me. My emotions have been a bit out of wack. Dreams seem to mix with reality and reality seems more like a dream sometimes. I have learned to live my life one moment at a time. (Psalm 31:14-desperate I throw myself on you: you are my God! Hour by hour I place my days in your hand...)

I have come to realize that the reality I once knew is no longer my reality. At least not for now. That is really hard to wrap my my mind around. I think it is human nature to just assume that your life is what it is and will always be that way. When things change, it throws us for a loop. I think I have spent the last couple of years waiting for life to get back to normal...not realizing that I am living the new normal. How do you go about learning to like a new normal, a new reality? If you know me at all, you know I don’t like change a whole lot! I guess God thought this would be an interesting lesson for me to learn. Ugh.

As I was reading today this scripture came to my mind.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted 
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Of course, I can’t help thinking to myself that possibly, had my heart not become so hard, it would not be broken, but instead, pliable like clay in His hands...but I still believe that, even as I write with a heavy heart, that God can repair what has been broken, for nothing is impossible with Him. Maybe I will just have to be a mosaic of the pieces instead of the original piece of art that He was working on.

I know this is short today, but I just don’t have much more to say that can be said from fact...not emotion.

I am listening to switchfoot as I write this and "I dare you to move” just came on. This may not be your style of music but I love what it says...

"maybe redemption has stories to tell, maybe forgiveness is right where you fell, where can you run to escape from yourself, where you gonna go, where you gonna go, salvation is here!"

I dare you to move!

We truly do have to move from where we are now, to be where God wants us to be in the future. (possibly it’s just emotional movement, or maybe there is some action that we need to take) If we don’t move, if we don’t make an effort, if we don’t lift ourselves up off the floor, we will still be sitting in the same place 10 years down the road, wondering why God hasn’t done anything to change our situation, when all along He has been waiting on us to make the first move...

Thanks for stopping by,

crazymom.crazywife.crazylife.

Wendy Jo

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

mercy...

Do you remember the childhood game where you intertwine your fingers with a friend and then frantically try to bend each others hands back until someone can’t take it and cries mercy? Or maybe you have been in a tickle fight...no, a battle...where the loser must cry mercy in order to escape and find relief...

Whether we have been involved in one of these epic battles, or a battle of a different kind, we can all appreciate the power of mercy. The relief that the word immediately brings.

On Sundays, our pastor has been preaching through the beatitudes and this week he preached on mercy. It hit me hard. Have you ever considered the fact that just because we have forgiven someone we do not necessarily show them mercy? Come on, you know you’ve been there...”I forgive you...but secretly I hope your life is one of misery and bad things come your way on a daily basis...” I know I have.

Being merciful means being sympathetic or compassionate. Not an easy feeling to have for someone who has wronged you! I mean, sometimes it’s hard to show mercy for the people you really like...let alone those that don’t make it to your “my favorite people” list!

Over the last couple of years, I have found myself struggling with complete forgiveness. (I know I’ve discussed this in another post so I won’t go into it here). This sermon really got me to thinking though...maybe complete forgiveness, or the next step in the process is mercy. *sigh*

The mental battle begins...

”But God, I don’t want to have mercy!”

“They don’t deserve mercy”

“Can I at least give them one good tongue-lashing and THEN show mercy?”

I wonder if Jesus struggled with these thoughts as he spoke the words “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do”...He was human after all.

Mercy is a hard one to wrap my mind around. The Bible does promise us that if we show mercy to others, we also will be shown mercy. A promise. One that I definitely need on a daily basis, and if I need it, how much do others need it also?

I have made it through the mental battles by simply telling myself I can forgive someone, but that doesn’t mean I have to talk to them, be friends with them or anything of the sort...maybe, I have been wrong. What if I took the upper road? What if I showed mercy, even when someone didn’t deserve it or show it to me... I mean, really, do any of us deserve mercy?

James 2:13 says, “but judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment."

YIKES! Now I don’t want to be scared, or scare anyone else into being merciful...but I do think the Bible is pretty clear on this one. I know that I desperately need mercy shown to me...so who am I to not show mercy to others?

I know this is going to be a process, as all things are with this walk.  But I truly believe that this may just be the final step in a long healing process for many of us...or at least for me.

His mercies are new every morning!


Thanks for stopping by (after such a long break!)

crazymom.crazywife.crazylife.

Wendy Jo




Friday, December 30, 2011

bitterness...oh, bitterness

I suppose I should be writing in my book, but instead here I am!  Things seem to flow better when I am just sitting here typing away about life!

All of the reading and the days on end of being stuck in the house have gotten to me.  I know myself well, and I know it is easy for me to slip into a “funk”...I can feel myself slipping...

I have been exercising every day and slowly getting into the shape I want to be in. Why? I really don’t know, because quite frankly I don’t really care that much about having a six-pack or anything of the sort.  Some days I guess it is because I want to impress my husband, but some days, I think it is just so that I can say I did it when the doctor asks me if I have been exercising regularly...why, yes I have, thanks for asking! ;o)

I am being a bit random today I suppose.  That’s what happens when I have too much on my mind and no one to talk to!  I am excited to go to the beach. Names, dates and locations will not be disclosed for privacy reasons...because you know...the paparazzi and stuff :o)  Seriously though, it has been way too long since I have walked along with the sand in my toes and the waves washing up over my feet...the sounds of the seagulls and the waves crashing into the pier...oh how I miss the beach! There is a reason to get in shape...the beach!

Of course it’s only December...

So, I am struggling with some bitterness today.  I know, I know I shouldn’t, and I know this...but it’s sort of like stumbling on an accident, or a dead animal or something...as disgusting as it is...you just can’t look away...you keep coming back to it.  It’s like that with things we see too.  Images, memories, whether imagined or actually seen, they keep replaying in our minds over and over...they are hard to get rid of!  This is where I struggle. I think it is where many struggle if we are honest!

Daily, I can do it.

Every day is a new day.

But sometimes that new day brings with it memories of the past...

I know this....it’s not always easy...

So easy to type, or even say, but difficult to live.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 says,  


"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.[b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”


I have always loved the first verse in this scripture, but today I read on...God does have a plan for me, but it requires my action...read it!  I have to call on Him and pray to Him and He will listen! I have to seek him and then I will find him...and THEN He will bring me back...

Ok, wait..did you catch that...I will find Him?  This indicates that He isn’t the one who is lost...we are! He hasn’t gone anywhere, we just stopped talking to Him, calling on Him, seeking Him...looking for Him...

WOW!

It’s so nice and tidy to just go along day to day and say..Yep, God’s got a plan.  I don’t know what it is, but He has got one, praise God!!  Or even to say, He had a plan, but He doesn’t really care about me anymore...I am worth nothing...Wake up!  You aren’t going to know His plan if you just keep on keeping on...not getting up...not seeking him...being defeated!!!

I once said to a youth member something that, well, I am not too proud of...but I really did mean it in the nicest way...I just didn’t spit it out quite right! (You know me...I do tend to speak my mind!) It had been a particularly difficult day and I had heard enough complaining to last me a very loooong time! She also had had more than she could take and was telling me about it...

I said, “you know, sometimes life is just a pile of crap...you can either choose to live underneath it, or climb up and live on top...what are you gonna do?”

I know...not the nicest way to put it...but the nugget of truth is there, right? I think she still loves me...I hope!

But, seriously, how are you going to seek God and pray to him and find Him if you are allowing life’s “crap” to sit on your shoulders?  No wonder you don’t know where He is! You aren’t alone. You aren’t the only one that has been wronged or done wrong so quit sulking and thinking that you are...yeah, I’m talking to myself too... :0)

As much as I detest New Year’s resolutions, this is one you have to make if you want 2012 to be better than 2011.  If you want to see the plans God has for you...

1. Call on Him
2. Pray to Him
3. Seek Him
4. Find Him

Who knows where you will be on December 31, 2012...

Happy New Year (from me and crazy Carter)!

Crazymom.Crazywife.Crazylife

Wendy Jo

Thursday, December 29, 2011

I am a mess...

Well, after reading and reviewing all of my blog entries, my journal and my facebook timeline I am officially a wreck! It is difficult to read through your life, good or bad and not be a little emotional about it. As I told a good friend of mine, it is tough to read your own story because you are living it and you don’t know the ending!!

I suppose I could write one... see if it plays out or not!

maybe not...

we know how things go when I try to plan them out!

It is official, my book is in the makings...well sort of.  I have organized and compiled and am now filling in the gaps of what is my life of the last twenty-some years...as I am writing I am thinking to myself...what do I really have to say that is worth reading?  I suppose the handful of people that read my blog will enjoy it! :0)

I don’t even know what kind of book it will be classified as...self-help? autobiography? inspirational...hmm, they may have to create a new category for this one!!

Seriously though...I will keep you posted on how this goes...

back to real life...

I have no idea what I am doing!  There you go! Now no one will read my book! HA!

As my kids get older I really have no idea what I am doing! My oldest son is the guniea pig...I guess all oldest kids are.  I try to be patient, I try to reason with him, but there is just no reasoning...is it bad that he is now shut in his room where I have removed every light and everything that he could possibly throw or destroy?  Seriously. I am at a loss. He will wake up and be in a fine mood I’m sure, but in the meantime I am left to pick up the pieces of his “spaz out” moment! I have no words of wisdom here.  Nothing. Only to take it one day at a time, because that is what I am doing!

It’s 60 degrees outside and it’s the end of December.  I should be outside with my kids playing, but after that episode I have no desire to do anything except sit and sulk over a cup of hot tea and a sappy love story. It will get better. I know it will. It has too! Others have survived and I will too.  I may have a few more gray hairs...but I will survive! I have my retirment to look forward to someday!

Off to enjoy my movie and tea...and sulk...just a little...

Thanks for stopping by!

Crazymom.Crazywife.Crazylife

Wendy Jo