bitterness...oh, bitterness

I suppose I should be writing in my book, but instead here I am!  Things seem to flow better when I am just sitting here typing away about life!

All of the reading and the days on end of being stuck in the house have gotten to me.  I know myself well, and I know it is easy for me to slip into a “funk”...I can feel myself slipping...

I have been exercising every day and slowly getting into the shape I want to be in. Why? I really don’t know, because quite frankly I don’t really care that much about having a six-pack or anything of the sort.  Some days I guess it is because I want to impress my husband, but some days, I think it is just so that I can say I did it when the doctor asks me if I have been exercising regularly...why, yes I have, thanks for asking! ;o)

I am being a bit random today I suppose.  That’s what happens when I have too much on my mind and no one to talk to!  I am excited to go to the beach. Names, dates and locations will not be disclosed for privacy reasons...because you know...the paparazzi and stuff :o)  Seriously though, it has been way too long since I have walked along with the sand in my toes and the waves washing up over my feet...the sounds of the seagulls and the waves crashing into the pier...oh how I miss the beach! There is a reason to get in shape...the beach!

Of course it’s only December...

So, I am struggling with some bitterness today.  I know, I know I shouldn’t, and I know this...but it’s sort of like stumbling on an accident, or a dead animal or something...as disgusting as it is...you just can’t look away...you keep coming back to it.  It’s like that with things we see too.  Images, memories, whether imagined or actually seen, they keep replaying in our minds over and over...they are hard to get rid of!  This is where I struggle. I think it is where many struggle if we are honest!

Daily, I can do it.

Every day is a new day.

But sometimes that new day brings with it memories of the past...

I know this....it’s not always easy...

So easy to type, or even say, but difficult to live.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 says,  


"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.^[b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”


I have always loved the first verse in this scripture, but today I read on...God does have a plan for me, but it requires my action...read it!  I have to call on Him and pray to Him and He will listen! I have to seek him and then I will find him...and THEN He will bring me back...

Ok, wait..did you catch that...I will find Him?  This indicates that He isn’t the one who is lost...we are! He hasn’t gone anywhere, we just stopped talking to Him, calling on Him, seeking Him...looking for Him...

WOW!

It’s so nice and tidy to just go along day to day and say..Yep, God’s got a plan.  I don’t know what it is, but He has got one, praise God!!  Or even to say, He had a plan, but He doesn’t really care about me anymore...I am worth nothing...Wake up!  You aren’t going to know His plan if you just keep on keeping on...not getting up...not seeking him...being defeated!!!

I once said to a youth member something that, well, I am not too proud of...but I really did mean it in the nicest way...I just didn’t spit it out quite right! (You know me...I do tend to speak my mind!) It had been a particularly difficult day and I had heard enough complaining to last me a very loooong time! She also had had more than she could take and was telling me about it...

I said, “you know, sometimes life is just a pile of crap...you can either choose to live underneath it, or climb up and live on top...what are you gonna do?”

I know...not the nicest way to put it...but the nugget of truth is there, right? I think she still loves me...I hope!

But, seriously, how are you going to seek God and pray to him and find Him if you are allowing life’s “crap” to sit on your shoulders?  No wonder you don’t know where He is! You aren’t alone. You aren’t the only one that has been wronged or done wrong so quit sulking and thinking that you are...yeah, I’m talking to myself too... :0)

As much as I detest New Year’s resolutions, this is one you have to make if you want 2012 to be better than 2011.  If you want to see the plans God has for you...

1. Call on Him
2. Pray to Him
3. Seek Him
4. Find Him

Who knows where you will be on December 31, 2012...

Happy New Year (from me and crazy Carter)!

Crazymom.Crazywife.Crazylife

Wendy Jo

I am a mess...

Well, after reading and reviewing all of my blog entries, my journal and my facebook timeline I am officially a wreck! It is difficult to read through your life, good or bad and not be a little emotional about it. As I told a good friend of mine, it is tough to read your own story because you are living it and you don’t know the ending!!

I suppose I could write one... see if it plays out or not!

maybe not...

we know how things go when I try to plan them out!

It is official, my book is in the makings...well sort of.  I have organized and compiled and am now filling in the gaps of what is my life of the last twenty-some years...as I am writing I am thinking to myself...what do I really have to say that is worth reading?  I suppose the handful of people that read my blog will enjoy it! :0)

I don’t even know what kind of book it will be classified as...self-help? autobiography? inspirational...hmm, they may have to create a new category for this one!!

Seriously though...I will keep you posted on how this goes...

back to real life...

I have no idea what I am doing!  There you go! Now no one will read my book! HA!

As my kids get older I really have no idea what I am doing! My oldest son is the guniea pig...I guess all oldest kids are.  I try to be patient, I try to reason with him, but there is just no reasoning...is it bad that he is now shut in his room where I have removed every light and everything that he could possibly throw or destroy?  Seriously. I am at a loss. He will wake up and be in a fine mood I’m sure, but in the meantime I am left to pick up the pieces of his “spaz out” moment! I have no words of wisdom here.  Nothing. Only to take it one day at a time, because that is what I am doing!

It’s 60 degrees outside and it’s the end of December.  I should be outside with my kids playing, but after that episode I have no desire to do anything except sit and sulk over a cup of hot tea and a sappy love story. It will get better. I know it will. It has too! Others have survived and I will too.  I may have a few more gray hairs...but I will survive! I have my retirment to look forward to someday!

Off to enjoy my movie and tea...and sulk...just a little...

Thanks for stopping by!

Crazymom.Crazywife.Crazylife

Wendy Jo

winter begins

Well, I haven’t blogged as much as I had intended to this year.  I suppose life always gets to be a little busier than I imagine it will be.  Another snow storm is blowing our way this afternoon, with 6-12” expected.  The kids are thrilled, because this will mean a white Christmas! Hopefully it will warm back up enough for a day or two of sledding and we will definitely be making a batch or two of snow ice cream! Yum!

Christmas break is a fun time, but as always a little crazy around the Davis house!  Summer break isn’t bad, because despite our small quarters, the weather is super nice and the kids spend more time outside then in. Christmas break, however is a LITTLE more tricky! I am not a fan of video games...but they do tend to be a life saver on cold, snowy days! (and you KNOW it’s bad when I load up all 5 kids and take them to the MALL for a break!)

We made Christmas rings (chains) this year to count down the days till Christmas.  So fun...except when you have a four-year-old who has indavertantly torn off an extra ring here or there!  Today he brought me his “chain” and exclaimed, “yay! tomorrow is Christmas...” yep, one ring left...how do you explain to a four-year-old that his calculations aren’t quite right? :0) He is a tad disappointed!

This has been a good year, full of blessings.  Probably didn’t go exactly how I had planned for the year to go...but when do things go the way I plan?!? Ha-Ha

I feel like I have grown in many ways, learned a lot and yet, with the learning comes...well, more questions than I had before!  I guess it’s just that much more to tackle for next year!

I hope to tackle my book this new year.  I have much of it written, here and in my journals...it’s just the getting it organized to where it makes sense! (Of course I am not sure how much sense my life can actually make!)

I also plan to write some letters.  I know that I owe a few to my Grandma and I know that there are a few others on my list as well.  It is a lost art and I think that I am going to rejuvinate it! :0)

I think the biggest thing for me is to live out Romans Chapter 12 this year.  God has really struck a chord with me on this passage and it makes perfect sense for me to dive in and live it out.  I LOVE this passage.  I know I have read it many times...but you know how sometimes you read something you have read before and all of a sudden it just jumps off the page at you in a whole new way? That’s where I am at!  I can’t continue to live my life waiting for something better to happen or for things to change when and how I want them to change. I have to live my life as an offering...the one He gave me RIGHT NOW! I think quite possibly the something I have been missing has actually been here all along.

I am blessed and I am thankful.  I hope that the end of this year and the beginning of the new one brings you true joy and blessings!

Merry Christmas from the whole Davis’ clan!

Thanks for stopping by!

CrazyMom.CrazyWife.CrazyLife

Wendy Jo

One Step Forward...

Do you remember that old song? I think it was a country song, but I don’t remember for sure. One step forward and two steps back...I honestly couldn’t tell you another word from the song, but I can tell you that the phrase has certainly stuck with me.

It seems to be such a fitting line for life.  Just when you feel like you are making progress, whether it be financial, with your children, with your personal goals...there always seems to be that “two steps back” just waiting around the corner!  I have been thinking about that and wondering if what seems like two steps back is really something different?

I mean, think about it...whenever something happens that goes against “our plan” or the way things were supposed to work out in our mind, we consider it to be a step back...but what if it is simply part of the plan? What if it is simply a re-direction? The only way that God could grab our attention?

Let’s face it, we plan for almost everything in life.  As a Christ-follower we are careful to throw the “Lord-Willing” into it, but truth be told...we want the Lord to be willing to do it exactly how WE want it to be!   I am fumbling to think of some good examples that are not too specific or pointed, but I will try!

We can look at our career.  Most people that have a career, also have a career path...meaning they aren’t just sitting idley by, enjoying their career.  They have a plan for the next step, the next promotion, the bigger the better...and when something prevents them from getting the promotion they were due...it’s “two steps back”...  Finances is another good one.  Especially with the economy the way it is today, everyone is really thinking through their financial plans.  Paying down debt, trying to tighten the budget, saving for retirement, for college...and then something happens that changes the plan...”two steps back.”

Let’s look at it from the other angle now...”two steps in a new direction...” So many times hind sight is 20/20...so cliche I know, but it is true.  What if things hadn’t happened the way they did?  Sometimes in life we need a shock to our system, a jolt that reminds us that:

...I am not in control

...I have become complacent

...God has something better for me than this

...I am going the WRONG way...turn around, go back, warning...

The list could go on and on..what would your list say? No, really, sit and think about it...

I find myself questioning my every move some days.  And I have to remind myself that God is in control and He knows the end to my story.  He cares about every minute detail...When I feel like I have gone out on a limb and it didn’t turn out like I thought it would, it doesn’t mean that it didn’t turn out like God knew it would.  He knows what is happening under the surface, the things we can’t see, hear or even begin to comprehend.

Look back over your life and find those “two steps back” moments.  Where have they re-directed you?

Have you grown better from them..or bitter from them?

Last, but not least...the song I mentioned at the beginning...it’s by The Desert Rose Band...and, oh my, that is some song!! :0)

Thanks for stopping by!

Crazy Mom, Crazy Wife, Crazy Life

Wendy Jo

Seasons

Wow!  Fall is here and I haven’t blogged in almost 3 months I think!  Actually, that is not true, I just haven’t made any of my blogs public lately!!  A girl needs to get her thoughts on paper sometimes and not share them with the world! Today, I will share! :o) Lucky you! LOL

Fall is my favorite time of year. Hands down. No questions. I love it for it’s beautiful colors, for the smells, the feel of the air...the crispness...

As I sat playing guitar last week, a song began forming in my head and, of course I started scribbling it all down.  I don’t know that it will amount to anything, but the thought behind it is this:  Fall is a season.  It won’t last forever. None of the seasons do.  Some seasons we enjoy...some are painful and we just wish they would get over so we can move on to the next one! We have to learn from the season we are in, enjoy it if it’s possible, endure it if we must, but remember...this season won’t last forever!!

During this season of my life I know that I am learning at lightspeed!  Why? Because if I learn fast...surely this season will go by quicly! Ha! Maybe that’s not how it works, but I figure I might as well be soaking it in since this is where God has me.

Some things I am learning:

•  Justice/Judgment is in God’s Hands

There are days when I would like to get on a plane, and go confront some people face to face.  Some that I never have had a chance to tell them exactly how I feel about them and what they have done to my family.  But then I realize, as good as that would make me feel, it would do no good!  Bring closure for me, yes, but people are who they are.  If they have been told 100 times, by 100 different people the same thing and they still don’t get it...chances are they never will.  (Aside from God’s hand working a miracle in their lives).  All I can do is educate others how to steer clear of people like them.

• My future is in God’s Hands

That is such a cool thought.  For all of my planning, worrying, thinking and rethinking...God knows exactly what lies ahead!  He knows where we will be living in a year, where we will be working in a year, how He will  provide for us in a year.  Why do we even worry or wonder what lies ahead?

• Forgiveness is a Process

This one is hard to grasp.  There are people I have forgiven, only to realize that I am still harboring unforgiveness. (Like those moments I want to jump on the plane... :0) )  I truly believe that at the initial point of forgiveness, I really did forgive them, but it almost seems to work like the stock market with its ebs and flows.  I know that eventually I will be able to completely forgive and hopefully forget...but I have to give myself some time. 

• Healing takes Time

Along the same lines of forgiveness, healing takes time.  I get frustrated with myself when I wake up angry about things in the past...when I find myself bitter about a situation and think... "come on, you should be over this by now!” I have to realize that not everything can be “gotten over” in just a few days, weeks, or even months!  In order for some wounds to heal, it takes time.  A broken arm may look perectly fine on the outside once the swelling goes down, but it takes many more weeks before the inside is healed and ready to be used again.  Use it too quickly and it will break again...maybe worse than the first time...causing more permanent damage! We are the same way.  God will use us again, I have no doubt, but although the outside looks pretty good now, the Master Healer is still fixing up the inside. 

As you enjoy this Fall season, take time to reflect on what old things...though possibly beautiful in their time just like the changing leaves, need shaken off by the winds of change so that new growth can eventually replace it. Be patient with yourself and with God, who knows the perfect timing for YOU!

Thanks for stopping by!

Crazy Mom. Crazy Wife. Crazy Life.

Wendy Jo

the little things

I spent an incredible night last night with the love of my life.  We have known each other for almost 25 years now, and I still enjoy the little things.  His hand sweeping across my back, holding hands, a kiss on the forehead...all the little things that make the “big thing” of marriage succesful.  I almost felt like I was in some sort of movie as we ran through the flooded streets in the pouring rain after leaving the concert we attended.  Some people were walking huddled under umbrellas, but not us!  We ran with all of our might the block and a half to our car.  We arrived absolutely drenched and laughing like teenagers. It reminded me of the saying that my friend Jess would always say to me when times were very difficult.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass...it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

-unknown author-

When things were rough she would tell me to look at her little saying that sat on the shelf...and of course I would give her that look of...not now Jess... Oh how I love my friend...and the little things...

I suppose you really can’t fully comprehend the meaning of that saying unless you have danced in...or at least run through...the rain!  If we had waited 5 minutes the rain would have subsided somewhat, but then we would have missed making that memory.

The little things...

There are so many things I could tie this too...both good and bad.

In our marriage, we are learning to once again enjoy the little things.  It is those little things that make you stick like glue through the tough times.  Those little things that sometimes we get too busy to pay attention to...

In the church, it is also the little things.  Find a church that is focused on the “little things” and you will most likely find a church where they are getting it right. We talked about the little things in marriage...what does that look like in a church?

I could go into a list of things that a person would expect when being a member of a church, but I don’t want to get too specific here.  Every church looks different from the next, and every person has different expectations.

Yes, some are nit-picky and shallow and cause people to church hop, because they are never happy. You have to look where the pattern lies...with the people or with the church.

Sometimes there are legitimate reasons people become frustrated with their church...and a lot of times it is these “little things”, not because they have a history of being dissatisfied with where they attend church. A phone call from the pastor at the passing of a loved one.  A meal when a child is sick or born... “little things”  These are the things that people really need.  They don’t need another big event with more lights, camera action...they need to feel loved, to know that their fellow church-goers understand what they are going through.  It’s really what we all need. And guess what, when people feel loved in their time of need, they tend to love other people when they are going through a similar situation.

One more thing along these lines.  I know there are some out there that would say...well, if you see the need than do something about it!  There is some truth to this statement...however, when you are one of the few (20%) who is doing nearly everything (80%) it isn’t necessarily your resposibility to fill yet another gap.  I don’t know the answer.  I do know that when people lead by example, others tend to follow.  (Yes, this even applies to marriage...if you want more of the little things in your marriage, be the first to reach out and eventually, your spouse will follow!)

Yes, I know there is a lot more that goes into a happy, healthy church than this. But I think sometimes we forget the roots of why we come together in the first place.  A fellowship of believers.  People coming together to celebrate life’s successes and weep over life’s sorrows.  To build each other up in Christ’s love.

Well, I have taken all of the time I can for today.

Thanks for stopping by!

Crazymom.Crazywife.Crazylife

Wendy Jo

questions answered

I should be taking a nap.  Too many days in a row of craziness and not enough long night’s sleep!  Matthew is working today, Ashton is vacationing at the beach (not sure how I missed out on that one) and Cooper is camping in the mountains with his youth pastor.  I should feel at ease, like life is a piece of cake, with only 3 munchkins at home...what will I do with all of my time?

Today I am going to try to answer a few questions from the messages I have received over the last week. I think they are some valid questions and I will do my best to answer them.

The first question was regarding finding someone that you can trust to talk to, to look to for sound spiritual advice.  How do you know who this person or these people are in your life?

I think there are a few things that stick out to me on this one, things that I have used to determine who I can trust.

1.  Look at their life.  Are they always in the midst of some sort of chaos or drama?  Now maybe people go to them a lot for advice...that is one thing, but when they are the common denominator in the midst of the chaos...RUN AWAY!

2.  Are they trustworthy?  I think the best determining factor in this is, do they talk about other people to you?  If so, they are going to talk about you to other people!  Bottom line, no exceptions.

3.  Does their advice line up with scripture?  I say this because there are some people in my life who are very wise, but are not Christ-followers. There are some things that I will absolutely take their advice on...I have been burned by a lot more “christians” than I have non-christians... There are many who take scripture out of context to give advice, completely changing the meaning of what the Bible intended...

4.  Know Yourself...this may seem silly, but no one knows you better than you.  You know your strengths, your weaknesses, your shortcomings...Right along with this is knowing scripture...If you know the word of God, you can’t be easily deceived.  Most of the time we have that gut feeling about things anyway...

5.  Are they the same sex as you?  To some this may seem like a no-brainer, but to others maybe not.  If you are going to be able to confide in someone and talk personally, it needs to be someone that is of the same sex.  This is obviously most important if you are married or if the person you are seeking advice from is married.  There have been times in our ministry where a single or married female wanted to seek counsel from my husband. Now, I understand that there are times that this is appropriate, in the right context, with the right accountability present...but on an ongoing basis it’s a big NO...RADAR UP...Don’t let the devil get a foothold here.  I, as a married woman don’t need to be confiding to another man about my ministry stress, work stress, marriage stress, children stress, etc...What may start out as innocent can quickly turn to something much more damaging.

Overall I would say that there are about 3 people (besides my husband) that I can count on to talk to in times of need.  These are people that I know will keep my confidence and will give me good advice.  Use common sense...test the waters a bit and as that friendship/accountability grows you will know when you have a “keeper”.

Man...I am so long-winded sometimes.   Maybe I should just right a book.  Half of it might be about nothing, but it would be plenty long!!! :0)

The second question was how do we as women, juggle our kids, our husband, our personal life, our ministry...Oh man.  I will TRY to keep this brief...I might have to continue it tomorrow, we will just see how this goes.

When Matthew and I first started out in ministry we had no children.  We were also not full-time in ministry, simply volunteer staff.  We did everything together and we loved it.

Our first full-time position was met with me being 5 months pregnant, a lot of extended family stress and, as I mentioned before, a pastor that felt like he’d done his time and now we were going to do ours!  I was young, the morning sickness wasn’t terrible and I was able to stay pretty involved.

As the years went by and the number of children increased, I began to realize that my responsibilities to my children were growing and something had to give.  I couldn’t be everything to everyone.  I couldn’t keep my sanity.

I think the most important thing to remember when you are raising children...whether in the ministry or not...the priorities remain the same...

GOD FIRST
FAMILY SECOND
WORK THIRD

I like to break it down a little more when talking about balance and the family...it looks a little more like this...

GOD FIRST

     time alone with God/time alone for me (this is different than the ministry)

FAMILY SECOND

     husband then kids (notice that the word laundry is not here! :o) )

WORK THIRD

     if you don’t work outside the home this means laundry, house cleaning, and all of the other wonderful things that come with being a mom! This is also where ministry comes in.

I think the bottom line here is that you just can’t do as much as you used to when you have kids.  What you have to do is decide which things are most important in your ministry (or if you aren’t in the ministry, apply this to the volunteer work you do in your church).

This is something that there needs to be open communication with your spouse about.  You HAVE to be on the same page.  Your husband needs to understand where you are coming from.  You don’t just all of a sudden hate the ministry, and hate him for being in the ministry.  You just have different priorities for a season.  As your children grow, they can be more involved and therefore, you can too.

Let me say again, communicate about this.  There will be well-meaning churchgoers who each have their own opinion about how you should run your family.  How much time you should be spending at the church. If you and your husband are on the same page there are no surprises.  You’ve got his back and he’s got yours!

I regret not being more open at times with Matthew about this.  I think we were both well-meaning in all that we did.  Looking back, I can see how a lack of communication created some stress that didn’t need to be there.  I started using my kids as an excuse to not go to things at the church.  They were tired, they didn’t feel well...I was upset that the ministry was taking so much of my husband’s time and without realizing it, was only making things worse by staying away...now I didn’t need to come and bring my bad attitude along (and if you know my fiery Irish attitude...you will agree with me!) I needed to get my attitude right, communicate my feelings and be there!

Lessons learned in the mirror...

Ministry and life are all a balancing act; neither will succeed unless the other is in balance.

Communication is Key 

Well, little miss Abigail is whining at my knee, wanting a “nak” and a “wink”.  I must go for now!

Thanks for stopping by!

Crazymom.Crazywife.Crazylife

Wendy Jo