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Friday, December 30, 2011

bitterness...oh, bitterness

I suppose I should be writing in my book, but instead here I am!  Things seem to flow better when I am just sitting here typing away about life!

All of the reading and the days on end of being stuck in the house have gotten to me.  I know myself well, and I know it is easy for me to slip into a “funk”...I can feel myself slipping...

I have been exercising every day and slowly getting into the shape I want to be in. Why? I really don’t know, because quite frankly I don’t really care that much about having a six-pack or anything of the sort.  Some days I guess it is because I want to impress my husband, but some days, I think it is just so that I can say I did it when the doctor asks me if I have been exercising regularly...why, yes I have, thanks for asking! ;o)

I am being a bit random today I suppose.  That’s what happens when I have too much on my mind and no one to talk to!  I am excited to go to the beach. Names, dates and locations will not be disclosed for privacy reasons...because you know...the paparazzi and stuff :o)  Seriously though, it has been way too long since I have walked along with the sand in my toes and the waves washing up over my feet...the sounds of the seagulls and the waves crashing into the pier...oh how I miss the beach! There is a reason to get in shape...the beach!

Of course it’s only December...

So, I am struggling with some bitterness today.  I know, I know I shouldn’t, and I know this...but it’s sort of like stumbling on an accident, or a dead animal or disgusting as it just can’t look keep coming back to it.  It’s like that with things we see too.  Images, memories, whether imagined or actually seen, they keep replaying in our minds over and over...they are hard to get rid of!  This is where I struggle. I think it is where many struggle if we are honest!

Daily, I can do it.

Every day is a new day.

But sometimes that new day brings with it memories of the past...

I know’s not always easy...

So easy to type, or even say, but difficult to live.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 says,  

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.[b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

I have always loved the first verse in this scripture, but today I read on...God does have a plan for me, but it requires my it!  I have to call on Him and pray to Him and He will listen! I have to seek him and then I will find him...and THEN He will bring me back...

Ok, wait..did you catch that...I will find Him?  This indicates that He isn’t the one who is lost...we are! He hasn’t gone anywhere, we just stopped talking to Him, calling on Him, seeking Him...looking for Him...


It’s so nice and tidy to just go along day to day and say..Yep, God’s got a plan.  I don’t know what it is, but He has got one, praise God!!  Or even to say, He had a plan, but He doesn’t really care about me anymore...I am worth nothing...Wake up!  You aren’t going to know His plan if you just keep on keeping on...not getting up...not seeking him...being defeated!!!

I once said to a youth member something that, well, I am not too proud of...but I really did mean it in the nicest way...I just didn’t spit it out quite right! (You know me...I do tend to speak my mind!) It had been a particularly difficult day and I had heard enough complaining to last me a very loooong time! She also had had more than she could take and was telling me about it...

I said, “you know, sometimes life is just a pile of can either choose to live underneath it, or climb up and live on top...what are you gonna do?”

I know...not the nicest way to put it...but the nugget of truth is there, right? I think she still loves me...I hope!

But, seriously, how are you going to seek God and pray to him and find Him if you are allowing life’s “crap” to sit on your shoulders?  No wonder you don’t know where He is! You aren’t alone. You aren’t the only one that has been wronged or done wrong so quit sulking and thinking that you are...yeah, I’m talking to myself too... :0)

As much as I detest New Year’s resolutions, this is one you have to make if you want 2012 to be better than 2011.  If you want to see the plans God has for you...

1. Call on Him
2. Pray to Him
3. Seek Him
4. Find Him

Who knows where you will be on December 31, 2012...

Happy New Year (from me and crazy Carter)!


Wendy Jo

1 comment:

  1. Hi I’m Heather! Please email me when you get a chance! HeatherVonsj(at)gmail(dot)com