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Sunday, June 29, 2014

I had decided not to blog anymore...

I quit blogging. Life got busy and painful and tiring and I just didn't feel like sharing anymore. I was tired of laying it all out there, somewhat selfishly, but I wanted people to think that everything was great. For the most part it has been, but I am tired. I know that is what most people that read my blog like the most...that I am real. Sometimes though, it just becomes too real, even for me.

I don't really remember the last time I wrote, which means I don't remember where we lived then, but now we live in South Jersey, for now. Moving has become almost as normal as running to Walmart in this family. (which if you read some of my other posts you know how I feel about that place!) My husband calls it an adventure...I'm beginning to think I misread the brochure!

I have found that with all of the moving, I have a very select few friends that I entrust my time and life with. I am more hesitant with each move to connect and become close with those around me. The defense mechanism is in high gear. Better to be lonely then to make more friends that I will inevitably  have to leave behind again. I've made a mistake here...I have let down my guard and become good friends with a couple of people..I see pain in the future.

I turned 40 last year. It always weighs in the back of my mind that my father started losing his mental capacity around this age and had passed by the age of 54. Too young. I try not to live in fear, but it is often difficult to keep those thoughts from pressing to the front of my mind...when I feel like I am losing it, what if I am?

So many mixed thoughts and emotions going on in my head at this point...too much to try to catch you up on in one post...but I am back. I will write more. Read if you want, if not, that's ok too...

Words of wisdom...maybe? There is a nugget of deep truth in there if you think about it :)

Thanks for stopping by,


wendy jo

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