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Friday, December 30, 2011

bitterness...oh, bitterness

I suppose I should be writing in my book, but instead here I am!  Things seem to flow better when I am just sitting here typing away about life!

All of the reading and the days on end of being stuck in the house have gotten to me.  I know myself well, and I know it is easy for me to slip into a “funk”...I can feel myself slipping...

I have been exercising every day and slowly getting into the shape I want to be in. Why? I really don’t know, because quite frankly I don’t really care that much about having a six-pack or anything of the sort.  Some days I guess it is because I want to impress my husband, but some days, I think it is just so that I can say I did it when the doctor asks me if I have been exercising regularly...why, yes I have, thanks for asking! ;o)

I am being a bit random today I suppose.  That’s what happens when I have too much on my mind and no one to talk to!  I am excited to go to the beach. Names, dates and locations will not be disclosed for privacy reasons...because you know...the paparazzi and stuff :o)  Seriously though, it has been way too long since I have walked along with the sand in my toes and the waves washing up over my feet...the sounds of the seagulls and the waves crashing into the pier...oh how I miss the beach! There is a reason to get in shape...the beach!

Of course it’s only December...

So, I am struggling with some bitterness today.  I know, I know I shouldn’t, and I know this...but it’s sort of like stumbling on an accident, or a dead animal or something...as disgusting as it is...you just can’t look away...you keep coming back to it.  It’s like that with things we see too.  Images, memories, whether imagined or actually seen, they keep replaying in our minds over and over...they are hard to get rid of!  This is where I struggle. I think it is where many struggle if we are honest!

Daily, I can do it.

Every day is a new day.

But sometimes that new day brings with it memories of the past...

I know this....it’s not always easy...

So easy to type, or even say, but difficult to live.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 says,  


"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.[b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”


I have always loved the first verse in this scripture, but today I read on...God does have a plan for me, but it requires my action...read it!  I have to call on Him and pray to Him and He will listen! I have to seek him and then I will find him...and THEN He will bring me back...

Ok, wait..did you catch that...I will find Him?  This indicates that He isn’t the one who is lost...we are! He hasn’t gone anywhere, we just stopped talking to Him, calling on Him, seeking Him...looking for Him...

WOW!

It’s so nice and tidy to just go along day to day and say..Yep, God’s got a plan.  I don’t know what it is, but He has got one, praise God!!  Or even to say, He had a plan, but He doesn’t really care about me anymore...I am worth nothing...Wake up!  You aren’t going to know His plan if you just keep on keeping on...not getting up...not seeking him...being defeated!!!

I once said to a youth member something that, well, I am not too proud of...but I really did mean it in the nicest way...I just didn’t spit it out quite right! (You know me...I do tend to speak my mind!) It had been a particularly difficult day and I had heard enough complaining to last me a very loooong time! She also had had more than she could take and was telling me about it...

I said, “you know, sometimes life is just a pile of crap...you can either choose to live underneath it, or climb up and live on top...what are you gonna do?”

I know...not the nicest way to put it...but the nugget of truth is there, right? I think she still loves me...I hope!

But, seriously, how are you going to seek God and pray to him and find Him if you are allowing life’s “crap” to sit on your shoulders?  No wonder you don’t know where He is! You aren’t alone. You aren’t the only one that has been wronged or done wrong so quit sulking and thinking that you are...yeah, I’m talking to myself too... :0)

As much as I detest New Year’s resolutions, this is one you have to make if you want 2012 to be better than 2011.  If you want to see the plans God has for you...

1. Call on Him
2. Pray to Him
3. Seek Him
4. Find Him

Who knows where you will be on December 31, 2012...

Happy New Year (from me and crazy Carter)!

Crazymom.Crazywife.Crazylife

Wendy Jo

Thursday, December 29, 2011

I am a mess...

Well, after reading and reviewing all of my blog entries, my journal and my facebook timeline I am officially a wreck! It is difficult to read through your life, good or bad and not be a little emotional about it. As I told a good friend of mine, it is tough to read your own story because you are living it and you don’t know the ending!!

I suppose I could write one... see if it plays out or not!

maybe not...

we know how things go when I try to plan them out!

It is official, my book is in the makings...well sort of.  I have organized and compiled and am now filling in the gaps of what is my life of the last twenty-some years...as I am writing I am thinking to myself...what do I really have to say that is worth reading?  I suppose the handful of people that read my blog will enjoy it! :0)

I don’t even know what kind of book it will be classified as...self-help? autobiography? inspirational...hmm, they may have to create a new category for this one!!

Seriously though...I will keep you posted on how this goes...

back to real life...

I have no idea what I am doing!  There you go! Now no one will read my book! HA!

As my kids get older I really have no idea what I am doing! My oldest son is the guniea pig...I guess all oldest kids are.  I try to be patient, I try to reason with him, but there is just no reasoning...is it bad that he is now shut in his room where I have removed every light and everything that he could possibly throw or destroy?  Seriously. I am at a loss. He will wake up and be in a fine mood I’m sure, but in the meantime I am left to pick up the pieces of his “spaz out” moment! I have no words of wisdom here.  Nothing. Only to take it one day at a time, because that is what I am doing!

It’s 60 degrees outside and it’s the end of December.  I should be outside with my kids playing, but after that episode I have no desire to do anything except sit and sulk over a cup of hot tea and a sappy love story. It will get better. I know it will. It has too! Others have survived and I will too.  I may have a few more gray hairs...but I will survive! I have my retirment to look forward to someday!

Off to enjoy my movie and tea...and sulk...just a little...

Thanks for stopping by!

Crazymom.Crazywife.Crazylife

Wendy Jo

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

winter begins

Well, I haven’t blogged as much as I had intended to this year.  I suppose life always gets to be a little busier than I imagine it will be.  Another snow storm is blowing our way this afternoon, with 6-12” expected.  The kids are thrilled, because this will mean a white Christmas! Hopefully it will warm back up enough for a day or two of sledding and we will definitely be making a batch or two of snow ice cream! Yum!

Christmas break is a fun time, but as always a little crazy around the Davis house!  Summer break isn’t bad, because despite our small quarters, the weather is super nice and the kids spend more time outside then in. Christmas break, however is a LITTLE more tricky! I am not a fan of video games...but they do tend to be a life saver on cold, snowy days! (and you KNOW it’s bad when I load up all 5 kids and take them to the MALL for a break!)

We made Christmas rings (chains) this year to count down the days till Christmas.  So fun...except when you have a four-year-old who has indavertantly torn off an extra ring here or there!  Today he brought me his “chain” and exclaimed, “yay! tomorrow is Christmas...” yep, one ring left...how do you explain to a four-year-old that his calculations aren’t quite right? :0) He is a tad disappointed!

This has been a good year, full of blessings.  Probably didn’t go exactly how I had planned for the year to go...but when do things go the way I plan?!? Ha-Ha

I feel like I have grown in many ways, learned a lot and yet, with the learning comes...well, more questions than I had before!  I guess it’s just that much more to tackle for next year!

I hope to tackle my book this new year.  I have much of it written, here and in my journals...it’s just the getting it organized to where it makes sense! (Of course I am not sure how much sense my life can actually make!)

I also plan to write some letters.  I know that I owe a few to my Grandma and I know that there are a few others on my list as well.  It is a lost art and I think that I am going to rejuvinate it! :0)

I think the biggest thing for me is to live out Romans Chapter 12 this year.  God has really struck a chord with me on this passage and it makes perfect sense for me to dive in and live it out.  I LOVE this passage.  I know I have read it many times...but you know how sometimes you read something you have read before and all of a sudden it just jumps off the page at you in a whole new way? That’s where I am at!  I can’t continue to live my life waiting for something better to happen or for things to change when and how I want them to change. I have to live my life as an offering...the one He gave me RIGHT NOW! I think quite possibly the something I have been missing has actually been here all along.

I am blessed and I am thankful.  I hope that the end of this year and the beginning of the new one brings you true joy and blessings!

Merry Christmas from the whole Davis’ clan!



Thanks for stopping by!

CrazyMom.CrazyWife.CrazyLife

Wendy Jo